Watching the leaves fall from the trees and even the recent snow falling from the sky tells us that the holidays are not far off. While most consider the holiday season to be one of joy and celebration with friends and family, a recent (or even not so recent) death of a loved one can bring tough emotions during the holidays.

An empty chair at the dining table or an unopened package under the tree may remind us of someone we are missing. The following are a few reminders on how to help someone who may be grieving this holiday season from Fall Brook Hospice (issue 47 vol. 9).

1. Be supportive of the way the person chooses to handle the holidays. Some may wish to follow traditions; others may choose to change their rituals. Remember, there is no right way or wrong way to handle the holidays.

2. Offer to help the person with baking and/or cleaning. Both tasks can be overwhelming for one trying to deal with raw emotions. Offer to help him or her decorate for the holidays.

3. Offer to help with holiday shopping or give your loved one catalogs or on-line shopping sites that may be helpful.

4. Invite the person to attend a religious service with you and your family.

5. Ask the person if he or she is interested in volunteering with you during the holiday season. Doing something for someone else, such as helping at soup kitchens or working with children, may help your loved one feel better about the holidays.

6. Donate a gift or money in memory of the person’s loved one. Remind the person that his or her special person is not forgotten.

7. Never tell someone that he or she should be “over it.” Instead, give the person hope that, eventually, he or she will enjoy the holidays again.

8. If he or she wants to talk about the deceased loved one or feelings associated with the loss, LISTEN. Active listening from friends is an important step to helping him or her heal. Don’t worry about being conversational…. just listen.

9. Remind the person you are thinking of him or her and the loved one who died. Cards, phone calls and visits are great ways to stay in touch. Keep them in your prayers.

In general, the best way to help those who are grieving during the holidays is to let them know you care. They need to be remembered, and they need to know their loved ones are remembered, too. Our Redeemer will be offering a one-time GriefShare session “Surviving the Holidays” November 25 th at 7pm. This is open to all members and the public. Please contact me with questions on attending.

In Service for Him,

Collette Christoffers, Parish Nurse